(via homme--models)

(via austinwithlove)

Can someone answer my long list of questions?

I’m tired of trying, and never succeeding.  I want to be able to fulfill my every goal and dream and to be the person i truly desire to be.  I want everyone to look at me and smile.  I want to learn how to be a good friend and be an active friend all at the same time. For some reason in the past year I’ve become a complete bitch to anyone and everyone regardless of who they are and where they’ve come from.. I’ve become power hungry with a need of satisfaction.  I have no clue what I even want anymore at all.  I’ve practically been handed everything to me for nothing at any point in time whenever I want it.  I’ve gotten this mind set that there is this perfect person out there and I’ve been repetitively shut down and at a loss of satisfaction by so many.  I just wish that I could let my concrete walls down and finally let someone in with a possibility of finally actually getting to know someone.  I put on this front to everyone that I’m some hard core bitch and that I’m living the perfect life and that everything is perfect… but in reality… it’s not.  There have been so many things that have happened to me and gone on in my life that no one could ever fathom.  I recently went to a therapist and just rambled to a complete stranger for hours on end.  It was good to finally get things out of my system and just rant and tell random things to this anonymous person.  There are so many things I wish I could just say to people but I don’t know how to say them in words.  I’m afraid someone will judge me or look at me differently if I actually opened my mouth and shared the immense amount of thoughts that continually walk through my head.  I just want that walking man in my head to find his way out of skull and break out and share the confidential thoughts with someone.  I do have friends that I can talk to and tell things, but my trust level is so low because it’s been broken so many times that I prefer to keep things to my self.. and that’s how it’s been for some time now.  I am close to my bestfriends but they still are unaware of everything that I go through.  I just put on a show and cover up what I truly want to say to people with a flashy smile and laughter.  I shadow over my true emotions.. and I don’t know how not to.  I’ve realized that I’m wearing a mask, and it’s super glued to my face.  I’ve been trapped into a masquerade ballroom for several years… fighting my way out.  I am a warrior within my self.. and throwing on my best and my mask is what I do best.  I am a masquerade warrior and this is how it goes…

(via toyboxxx)

hey (: i thought about you today. i thought that about this time a year ago, you were spending the night at my house. i miss that so much! i miss picking you up to go to church every sunday. i miss going to lunch with you. i miss going shopping with you. i miss staying up half the night with you. i miss making fun of random people with you. i miss going to the rodeo with you. i miss spending my 16th birthday with you. i miss you hannah hinrichsen. i love you with all my heart and i will never forget you. you always brought a smile to my face and i loved that about you. i find myself still thinking about you constantly. i love you hannah and i cant wait until we meet again! ♥